In almost 2 years, all I’ve accomplished on here is a few unfinished drafts for a post. All my writings that were never completed, probably never will be since most are no longer relevant. What a waste of time! I guess the reader would never know the difference if I was writing about preparing for a trip to Italy, when in fact I already returned from there almost 15 months ago. But I know the difference and it seems insincere to publish things that aren’t really relevent to my life right now. Then again, maybe they are….
This is an excerpt from the first draft I wrote in Aug 2010:
I don’t understand. How do people find the time to keep up a blog? Perhaps I should be more specific, I understand how some people have the time…but people like me, how do they do it? I don’t use “like-me” in an elite sense; I’m talking about ordinary work-at-home moms of young children. I started this post 7 hrs ago and have only made it this far. Yes, I’ve only written 5 pathetic sentences in 7 hrs! Let me clarify; I didn’t actually spend 7 hrs writing those few sentences (because in the writer’s block dredge of writing my technical scientific papers, that’s probably happened a few times). Not this time…I’ve just been distracted by so many other necessary chores that I’ve only managed to find extra time to quickly write a few sentence here and there. And if I can actually complete this post without one of my children sporadically hitting keys on the keyboard and erasing everything I’ve typed, it will be a more successful day than many. If I had a dollar for every time my children have erased hours of work, I’d be….well forget the money, I just want my precious wasted time back!
So if my time is so precious, why am I wasting it typing on a blog that no one reads (at least not yet anyway, maybe someday that will change)? This is precisely the quandry I feel with other people’s blogs: They are wasting valuable time, have way too much free time to spare, or somehow manage to find time out of their very busy schedules to maintain a useful blog . I want to be in the last category, but today I’m in the first. I wanted my first real post to be full of wisdom and usefullness. I’ve been waiting for a day when I am full of insight AND have extra free time to write about it. Apparantly that hasn’t happened within the 6 months since I registered my blog. Unfortunately, I don’t see things changing anytime soon. Today I’m in the opposite position, I have no insightful musings and I have less “free” time than usual. I have two toddlers running amuck, a stack of 7 text books that need to be read and thoroughly understood within the next two months, I’m supposed to lead music at a church meeting tonight and haven’t even began to prepare for it, and I leave for an under-prepared trip to Italy in 4 days (eta: it was four days when I started this post…nows it’s actually 2).
I’m still not sure I understand why some people write about such frivilous things, but today I can tell you why I have. I am so overwhelmed with all that has to be done, I have mentally shut down. I just can’t bare facing all the things screaming for my attention (literally – think kids – and figuratively speaking). Even if I attempt to work on the aforementioned tasks, my brain refuses to focus and my time is once again wasted on completely inefficient progress. So today, I decided I needed a mental detour. I’d do something that didn’t need or even want my attention, just to forget about the chaos that surrounds me, in hopes it will help my productivity of my other chores in the long run. Perhaps I should be less critical of other people’s pointless writings. Maybe it’s not always intended for the benefit of the reader but rather to maintain one’s own sanity. If you’ve actually read this far, I apologize that I have not only wasted my time but yours as well. Unless of course you also needed a mind numbing distraction, in that case, you’re welcome 🙂
Today, I am not preparing for a fabulous trip to Italy and I finished those stacks of text books, but those things were only replaced with a new list of pressing things to do: write a dissertation, organize a crisis pregnancy benefit party, prepare for Thanksgiving, with Christmas soon to follow, and as before, my kids still run amuck. I’m sad to report that while much has changed in the last year, my general circumstances have not…same song, second verse. What’s different this time is I’m actually going to post this pointless musing! My apologies it’s not insightful.